Let's Torture Enjolras
by Mormeril
Summary: In a spur of the moment decision, Eponine drags Marius away, resulting in Cosette bumping into Enjolras instead. The result: Eponine decides to play matchmaker and torment the revolutionary. This cannot end well. Enjolras/Cosette &E Eponine/Marius
1. Prologue

**This is way less serious than Eponine's Tale, and entirely for fun and amusement. Certainly not my best work (in my opinion), but whatever. Just for fun.**

Let's Torture Enjolras

_Prologue_

Eponine was just about to tell Marius to leave her alone when Enjolras joined them. Great. It would be hard enough getting Marius to go away and avoid being associated with her father's current scheme, but Enjolras as well?

That was when she saw the blonde girl walking alongside the man her father was planning to rob. In a split second, she had an idea.

"Marius, let's go," she said seemingly out of nowhere, grabbing his hand and dragging him off, past the blonde girl.

"Hey, Eponine!" he yelled in annoyance. "Enjolras-" He started to call after his friend, who watched in confusion for a moment before trying to follow, hearing the desperate plea for help in Marius' tone of voice. Excellent. Her plan was going brilliantly. She dragged Marius around a corner quickly, then peaked out to watch.

"Eponine, what in the world is going through your head right now?" Marius asked her in frustration, rubbing his wrist. The girl had a stronger grip than he'd thought.

"Having some fun with the marble statue," she replied simply. She smirked as Enjolras bumped into the blonde girl, just as she had hoped. The blonde girl stared at Enjolras as if he was an angel on Earth, and he looked rather surprised to see her.

"Eponine..." Marius said dangerously, now watching as well. "That's a terrible idea! He's never going to forgive you if you're planning what I think you're planning."

"Spoil-sport," Eponine muttered as Enjolras walked away from the girl and towards them. So. Enjolras wasn't as fascinated by the blonde girl as she had hoped. But the blonde was certainly fascinated with him.

She would need to find a way to get them to meet. She smirked. This was going to be the most fun she'd had in ages.


	2. Chapter 1

**To those who are confused about the pairings in this: Yes, I still fiercely ship E/E, but I couldn't resist writing this, not just to appease the Meponine shippers that I angered with Eponine's Tale, but because this idea was just too hilarious.**

Chapter 1

Eponine's head was in the clouds as she walked to the cafe with Marius. She had stopped planning how to arrange a meeting between Enjy and Blondie, as she had begun to mentally refer to her imaginary couple, somewhere along the Seine as she and Marius had walked together. However, as they walked through the door and she caught a glimpse of the revolutionary, the events of earlier that day rushed back to her, resulting in a smirk crossing her face, which did not go unnoticed by Marius.

"Eponine, please don't," he whispered to her under his breath.

"Why not?" she asked him quietly. "Don't you think the Marble Prince needs a pretty princess?"

Marius' only response was to sigh and roll his eyes as he took a seat and Enjolras turned to glare at them.

"You two are late," he said sharply.

"In a bad mood since you're regretting not getting the little blonde girl's name?" Eponine teased instantly.

Everyone stopped and stared at Eponine for a second before turning to stare at Enjolras. Joly's jaw dropped, Grantaire roared with laughter, and Enjolras found his face burning despite himself.

"Eponine..." Marius sighed, resisting the urge to laugh himself. He'd never seen Enjolras look so shocked. Nor had he ever seen Eponine look so proud of herself, for that matter. The small brunette was smirking rather smugly, her head held high.

"Women. Are. Nothing. More. Than. A. Distraction," Enjolras growled eventually, glaring particularly at a now beaming Eponine. Marius rested his forehead on the palm of his hand in frustration. This was not going to end well.

"Oh, _honestly_, Enjy, just lighten up a little!" Dead silence followed Eponine's words.

"Never. Call me. Enjy. _AGAIN!_" Now she was in for it. Marius groaned.

"Why not?" Eponine asked, smirking. "Enjy?" Grantaire stifled a laugh,causing Enjolras to shoot him a quick glare before turning back to Eponine, not sure how to respond to the skinny brunette.

Eponine, however, felt very pleased with herself, and was prepared to shoot him another comment that she knew he wouldn't like. When he didn't respond, she went for it, despite knowing what kind of reaction it was likely to get.

"Is that nickname specifically reserved for the pretty little blonde who was so taken with you earlier?"

"Get _out!_"

Shrieking with laughter like a banshee, Eponine headed for the door, and, as she opened it, turned and flashed a wicked smile at Enjolras. "Bye, Enjy!"

It took all of his willpower not to hurl a book at her.


	3. Chapter 2

**Just to get this out of the way before someone reviews making me bring this up at a later date: I'm going to say this once, and only once: Do NOT expect long chapters in this. This is just a short, random fanfic I'm writing just for fun, and it isn't really serious at all. If you want a serious fanfic with long chapters, read my other Les Mis fic. If you want serious with long chapters that is not E/E, then go read someone else's stories. If you don't care in general, then ignore this author's note and just enjoy!**

Chapter 2

"Eponine, why do you enjoy annoying Enjolras so much?" Marius asked her as they walked towards the cafe. It was two days since she had last seen Enjolras, and that had ended rather well in her opinion. She had managed to get out unscathed, although she knew that if looks could kill, she would be long dead after teasing him about the blonde girl and calling him Enjy. According to Marius, he had nearly thrown a book at her as she had left.

She shrugged. "It's fun to push his buttons. All I want is to prove that no one is made of marble. He can't possibly as perfect as everyone says he is."

Marius raised an eyebrow at her, causing her to smirk.

"Really, Eponine, you're just going to cause a big problem-"

"No I'm not," she replied. "I'm going to make the marble statue see what he's missing."

"And how on Earth do you plan to do that?" They had reached the cafe now, and were standing just outside the door.

Eponine grinned at him as she stood there with her hand on the doorknob. "Didn't you see the way the little blonde bourgeois girl was looking at him the other day when they bumped into each other? She's definitely interested. All we have to do is find her and get them to meet up!"

Marius stared at her as his jaw dropped. "We?!" he exclaimed in shock. "What do you mean 'we'? When did I agree to this?"

Eponine sighed and walked towards him. "Please Marius?" she asked him. "Don't you think it will be fun?"

"If getting murderous glares from Enjolras is your idea of fun, then you need some serious help from Joly, 'Ponine," Marius told her, frowning.

"Oh, come on, Marius, Enjolras never let's himself have a break, it is our job as his friends to help him find out what he's missing!" Eponine told him, trying to approach it from a new angle. Marius still looked sceptical however.

She sighed, and took another step closer, looking up at him with wide brown eyes. "Please, Marius?" she asked him again, her voice softer. He was starting to break now, and she knew it. "I've done so much for you in the past!" she reminded him. "Please do this, for me?"

He finally relented. "Oh, all right, fine," he sighed. "I'll help you."

She smiled happily, and threw her arms around him. "Thank you!"

Marius groaned inwardly. "I'm regretting this already," he muttered, but Eponine simply smiled.

Not only would she break the marble statue, but she now had another excuse to spend time with Marius.


	4. Chapter 3

**Meponine fans will love me at the end, I think. Review, please!**

Chapter 3

As they entered the cafe, Eponine flashed Enjolras a smile and contently walked over to a table with Marius, ignoring the vicious glare the revolutionary leader was sending her way.

Marius groaned inwardly, making Eponine shoot him a slightly annoyed look. Within a second, however, she turned her attention back to the cafe's marble statue.

"So, Enjy, have you found your pretty little blonde angel yet?" she asked him sweetly. Enjolras' face instantly turned a bright shade of red. "Oh, look, his face matches his vest! How adorable!" she laughed.

There was an audible bang as Marius' head connected with the table. "Eponine.." he groaned in clear annoyance. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Nope, but I also have nothing to live for!" she replied, far more cheerfully than one would expect. She had accepted her fate long ago, and no longer cared.

"Death wish or not, would you please stop tormenting me?" Enjolras practically growled.

"No." Eponine's reply was simple.

"I think it's rather hilarious. Looks like the marble statue has feelings after all, thank you for proving it, Eppy!" Grantaire laughed.

The colour drained from her face. "What did you just call me?" she asked, her voice suddenly deadly. Grantaire fell silent instantly, not from fear, but from having turned his attention back to his bottle and forgetting her.

Enjolras smirked, spotting a way to turn the tables. "What's wrong with Eppy?" he asked, grinning. Eponine's head snapped around, allowing her to glare at him.

"I just don't like it!"

"Why not, Eppy?"

"Shut up, Enjy!"

"Don't call me that, Eppy!"

"Don't you dare call me Eppy!"

Marius tried to ignore them, really wishing that he hadn't agreed to be part of Eponine's scheme. However, ignoring them proved to be impossible when Courfeyrec joined him.

"Would you look at them? With all the tension between them, it won't be long before they stop fighting and start kissing. I'd give it a week before she's in his bed," Courfeyrac said with a smirk.

Marius' jaw dropped, and he felt his stomach squirm uncomfortably at the thought of Enjolras so much as touching his Eponine's hand. Wait, _his_ Eponine? Was he jealous? A single galnce behind him at Eponine, glaring at Enjolras with fire in her dark eyes, yet smirking nonetheless, told him that he was. There was no way that Eponine was going to be with anyone but him, and she was especially not going to be with Enjolras. He stood and walked towards her, grabbing her wrist.

"Come on, let's go, 'Ponine," he said quietly.

"Why?" she asked turning to look at him, a hint of surprise in her eyes.

"I'll tell you later," he replied. "Come on."

"Marius-"

"_Now_, Nina," he said, using her other nickname, which he rarely used.

"_Fine_," she said viciously after a moment, and she went with Marius outside. "So, are you going to tell me what this is about?"

"Courfeyrac made a rather awkward comment about you and Enjolras," he replied.

"Did he now?"

"He thinks you and Enjolras are going to just stop fighting and sleep together by the end of the week."

Eponine stared at him as if he had grown three extra heads for a moment before she burst out laughing. "That is the most hilarious and ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" she laughed. "Me... With Enjolras! Of all the crazy things Courfeyrac has ever said, that one is by far the craziest!" She stopped smiling after a moment though, and looked slightly confused. "Why do you look so relieved?"

"Oh, uh, no reason," Marius replied quickly.

Eponine crossed her arms. "You dragged me outside as quickly as possible because Courfeyrac made some sort of comment about me and Enjolras, and then you look relieved when I laugh at said comment? There's definitely something that you're not telling me Marius."

Marius' eyes widened. "Why would you thin that?"

Eponine sighed and rolled her eyes. "For the reasons I just stated! Come on, Marius, just tell me!"

"Fine!" And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips quickly to hers.

Eponine was started for a moment, then, thrilled, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back as his arms made their way around her waist.

It was the most wonderful experience of Eponine's life. She felt as though her heart would burst out of her chest from joy. Everything about it was perfect.

After several moments, they broke apart, both slightly surprised at their actions. Eponine smiled up at him, her arms still around his neck. "You have no idea how long I've been wishing you would do that," she whispered.


End file.
